An Engagement Party For Two

Damn our bloody mobile phones.

They are starving us of real time living. Chances are you are reading this on that very device so I shouldn’t complain. Full of bias I offer that this 3-minute read will serve you well. A 30-minute scroll through your social media feed to see what everyone else is up to probably won’t.

My phone is never far from my reach, and I am often using it to take pictures. Like many I want to share the moment instantly with the world. “Look what I saw. Look what I did. Look how pretty this is. Look at what my kids can do”. There is certain benefits and joy in sharing but perhaps the instant and immediate affect of this may be numbing the actual experience. The seeing and feeling.

In a time that seems prehistoric we would wait days or weeks for photos to be developed to witness that moment in time again. I miss the anticipation of picking up the developed prints and rifling through them. Laughing at the errant attempts, ruing the missed opportunities or your headless friends and family. That is solved quickly now with a quick confirmation of the shot, a retake, a filter and presto! That moment then passes as quick as it came.

I am not sure I have seen my best friend ever take a pic on his phone. We share the same beautiful walk every morning and often I am withdrawing my Samsung like a gun from its holster to commemorate a moment. He casually and peacefully strolls along taking in the beauty around him. A busy man he no doubt enjoys this detachment from the rest of the world for the 30 or so minutes the ritual takes. I have learned to leave the phone in the car.

Due to my manic habitual changes and erratic behaviour, I was planning for a period to limit my social media posting to one pic per month. Thereby on the 1st of each month I would settle on one picture, one fascinating thing I could share, I could show and tell. Normally my posts are limited to 5 words. A nuance learned from a marketing colleague who believes this specific number can describe everything you need to. I have great joy in sculpting my statement to 5 words. To the contrary my new idea would allow me to elaborate on the picture. Tell the story.

Show and tell was a novel concept back in Primary school. The practise involved the rostered pupil presenting to the class about something in their lives that was current or interesting. When my older kids started primary school, I can remember their anxieties of sweeping the entire house to find something to “Show”. I would encourage them to “Tell”. Ideally the concept is you educate the group about the object you are showing but story telling is something I love.

Storytelling and memories may be all we own at the end of the day. In fact, that is all we will have when aboard that inevitable vessel, our deathbed. My mind has a vast catalogue of memories both good and bad. Some are vivid. Some have been exaggerated or possibly edited. Some take longer to find; some are on top of the pile. The good ones are fun to recount. The bad ones can be painful but help remedy us into a better place. Can you recall the last time you had a good belly laugh? Chances are these were times with loved ones amid a story or memory being shared. These are magical occasions.

I listened recently to Koshin Paley Ellison who among many things is a Zen priest. He suggested to Dan Harris on his ‘Ten Percent Happier’ Podcast that modern life is turning us into zombies. Whether it is people buried in their devices or simply not engaging with those around us. The person you cross paths in the supermarket regularly, the person you see in the café each morning, even the people you work with, how much time have you spent engaging with them albeit briefly? When you last arrived at work did you actively greet and converse with your colleagues or did you just give them a muttered grunt? Be brave. Say Hello!

Zombieland drags me in on occasion. I advocate that I don’t spend much time on my phone but find myself grabbing it for a fix of what’s next whenever there is downtime in my day. Lifting your head and looking up is a great alternative. Who or what is in front of you, around you, above you, beneath you and why? I found myself following a mum and her young son on the beach recently. I enjoyed listening to his inquisition on all things around them. It was refreshing. Was I as engaged as this mother when my kids were little? Am I really listening now in our conversations?

I have been watching tv show ‘The Voice’ with my daughter. We are both fans of music and I really enjoy the show. Whilst writing this I now think of the great opportunities for discussion during the ad breaks. What did you think of that performance? What song would you sing? Why? So on and so forth. But guess what happens inevitably!? Yep, grab the phone. Shocking!

It has become somewhat of a challenge to stay engaged if not connected with others. Critically though it needs to be addressed. Yearning for a fix has driven us to be impatient. We have lost the internal compass to just be. We painfully “wait” instead of just “being”. Simply following your breath can be seconds or minutes well spent. Being interested and interesting to those around you is another simple option. Look for connection next time you are in a public or private setting. Grab someone’s attention, look them in the eye, talk, discuss, share, or tell a story.

You may just be saving the world from a Zombie Apocalypse.