Breathing Life Into Your Balloon

Paper mache was a tricky artform back at primary school. Slipping and slopping Clag on to an aggressively inflated balloon. Layers of wet, gluey newspaper applied over and over. Waiting sometime for it to dry and form a crusty hardened exterior. My memory suggests they were mainly made for heads of puppets or a character for a forthcoming performance or art project. But what comes of the balloon that initially holds the creation together? Inevitably it shrinks and deflates.

I woke recently flat. Depressed. Overwhelmed. Before even getting out of bed I was in tears. Ironically, I also was on a holiday. A short spell smack bang on one of the most pristine, natural, and beautiful beaches you can find. Yet my mind was racing at 1000 miles per hour. Images and thoughts flashing like a hoard of paparazzi cameras. Violent casting back and forth of the past and the future. Struggling as I practice and preach, to stay in the moment. Birds were singing, the ocean hummed in the distance, but my mind was in beast mode.

A walk, a swim, some wise counsel from my wife and things settled down. Like paper mache the experience was yet another layer of sticky slimy newspaper over that inner balloon. My balloon just might be by soul. My spirit. My inner voice. The real me. Innocent but compromised by all it has seen and experienced in 45 years. I cannot imagine the amount of newspaper I have applied. I know each time I do it is an awkward and at times messy process. In contrast I am satisfied if not proud of when that next layer dries. The harsher the experience the harder the shell. Think of a person who you would describe hardened. They project a warrior type image. Stoic and strong. Bulletproof. But they like you and I have an inner world.

Our experiences, outer layers and problems all vary. I heard recently that if you were among a group of people and were to all put your problems on the table, you would probably pick yours back up pretty quickly. As it goes, we never really know what problem the next person has. This can help accept the behaviours of others, rather than judge too quickly. Notwithstanding this it is paramount you deal with your problem whatever it may be. One of my key learnings through life is simply this; there is a gift in any negative, you just need to look.

Bottoming out, freaking out, burning out, falling out, dropping out or coming out will test you. Show up to these moments with the belief that you will be better for the experience, and it may help the overwhelm and burden it first spits at you. We bully ourselves at times into not letting things get us down. Not to be a ‘sook’ or for those with matching genitalia, to be a 'man'. Fuck that.

Someone extremely close to me lost his 4-year-old son in an unfortunate accident. A week after blessing his boy into the arms of whatever lies beyond and days of emotional stress and bewilderment he was back at work with his own father. His emotional dam wall eventually broke with an outpouring of grief to which his father offered a stern “Get over it”.

Times have changed. Some people may not have. I say do not get over it. Get into it. Around it. Through it. Sit with it. It is the pain that will serve you best long term. The pain where you will find the growth. It is the pain which could provide the answers, the insight, the gift.

Breathe. Fill your lungs and exhale. Inflate that inner balloon. There are more sticky and slimy layers to come.