Is Love All You Need?

I am content. I am comfortable. In my small bubble I feel satisfied. I have had some amazing experiences. Fathered 4 beautiful children and in the not-too-distant future cannot wait to be a grandparent. I smirk and internally chuckle when I say that. “Grandparent. What!?”

It is funny when you reach what I would liken to some sort of mental nirvana. A place where you seemingly have all you need. Most importantly health and love. Is there anything worth more? When I deeply analyse what it is I truly desire, it is to be happy. A goal most of us are chasing.

So, when you reach your destination now what? Goals can do this. Achieving a target can be a little underwhelming. That is why the process, or the system that delivers us there becomes most important. A close friend asked me the other day if I was, ok? They thought for some reason I wasn’t my normal bubbly self. They enquired was it work? They asked me what else I wanted to achieve? The enquiry was met with a nonchalant type of muse. I offered a range of reasons. I am happy. The simple things serve me well. I have no looming issues. No threats. No dramas. Life’s good.

Inner peace helps forms part of the position. When both the outer and inner swirl slow down. No stress pressing on your body. No mouse wheel inside your head. Just tranquillity. I don’t think I have arrived here by accident. Perhaps it is the constant meditation. Perhaps it is harsh life lessons. Relationship challenges. The letting go of pain bodies. Maybe the whole dogma of calm and contentment has handed me a tool, a weapon.

A famous military quote goes “Slow is Smooth. Smooth is Fast”. My internal world and to a degree the external one has slowed. It’s smooth. Maybe the results are therefore happening at speed, fast.

Real happiness is what some suggest the key to life. According to Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga’s international best seller ‘The Courage To Be Disliked’ it is interpersonal relationships that will define your ‘real happiness’. Fame and fortune are desirable but amount for nothing if you have one or more interpersonal relationships that are toxic, unhealed, or leaning against your conscious.

They can strip you from the joy in other parts of your life. They sap your energy. They test your spirit but ultimately can break your heart. Some interpersonal relationships come and go. Manufactured from convenience or circumstance. But those that should, could or would be unconditional, yet become ugly and volatile, are the killers. They keep you up at night. Drive paranoia. Question your integrity. Where did I go wrong? What triggered that? How can we be so opposed? We seek guidance from peers. We manipulate others into confirming that it is the other person, not us. We tell ourselves we are good people. This all can have little impact if you heart is broken. Anger and frustration pay us a visit and we think hating is the best way to deal with it. It is not. Love is.

Sit for a moment and close your eyes. Picture a person in your life that you share a damaged relationship. Anxiety may leak into your gut. Emotions evolve. You start tracing the timeline to what created the fracture. Now breathe deeply and just love that person. Don’t slip to angst because they don’t seem to love you. Just love them. Feel it with your heart. Speak it in your mind. You love them. If you are really concentrating, you should feel the warmth inside, the peaceful feeling love brings. Your body should be not contorted and tight with the stranglehold of anger and sadness.

Do you have to tell this person you love them? No. Do you have to tell others you practise this technique? Nope. This points to forgiveness. “No way!” I hear you shriek. “You have no idea what this person did to me!? “ You don’t have to forgive. You certainly don’t have to forget but until you ‘love’ you will struggle to move forward. One of my shortcomings is to not have anyone dislike me. An improbable feat. What’s not is my internal disposition toward ‘everyone’. Love.

People have used love to heal in dramatic ways. Stories of mothers who have forgiven and even befriended their child’s murderer. Towns who have forgiven pilots who bombed them in the war. These are extreme examples. We don’t have to go that far. When threatened and challenged we tend to defend quickly. Our egos need justification. We seek counsel in friends and family who concur that the said person is this and that. We seek confirmation. Unfortunately, this will never heal you internally. The relationship most at risk here is the most important one you will have. The relationship with yourself. What’s broken may never be fixed but if you can tend to the internal mess with loving thoughts and projection you will be better for it.

John, Paul, George & Ringo said it best. All you need is love. Love Is all you need.